Personality Makeover

I need one.

My Dad and Mom told me I need one. I actually agree with them but the problem is I have no idea where to begin. I mean, I do what know what I need but how to get them is another story. Or maybe I'm just stubborn. Sometimes even to lazy to do something about it.

Right now I don't have a steady job. I think I mentioned that in an earlier entry. I am now doing something about it. I am applying and searching for jobs that I can be good at and at the same time bring in the money so. But I am so scared of the part where I have to go in and say "Hi, I'm here to apply for a job." See I've never really gone to apply for a job. I'm Freelance Production Assistant for commercials. Meaning I get a job when there is one in the Production Houses that I frequent in. It also does not help that I am very conscious of how I look. I mean I'm not ugly but I definitely won't turn heads. Plus I could loose a few pounds... Ok a lot of pounds but the point is I know a lot of girls that have the same issues but apparently they know how to deal with them. They seem a lot more confident while when I try I come out seem trying to hard. I don't know... I think I need a coach or something. Anyone who could teach me to be more self confident and feel good about myself even if I don't look perfect.

I have options. I've thought a lot about how I can rise above this things like, I love the water so as a form exercise I'd rather swim but the idea of going to a public pool where everyone can see me scares the hell out of me. I'm also a frustrated dancer so I would also love to do that as alternative to going to the gym but again, my self consciousness gets ahead of me.

I want to be able to get through this. I really do. But something always pulls me back. I don't have enough courage.

I'm just really scared...